Saturday, November 29, 2008


At the time, I knew I was fighting for a life. I didn't intuit that the life I was fighting for was mine.

In retrospect, I can see how I was controlling so many factors, it truly was an onerous and thankless task. In fact, after the event, I doubt any of the players will even think I had anything to do with what went down. But then, said actors aren't exactly known for their ability to step outside of the here and now, or even outside of themselves. The chance of any of them glimpsing the full picture really is nil.

I suppose that is why I feel alone a lot of the time, not for lack of company, but for lack of people who can see what I see. My father can, but mainly if i try to explain what i see all i get is blank of disbelieving looks. I learned long ago not to explain.

And now, finally, I have learned that I can walk away. I don't need to save people. In fact, they need to save themselves. I need all my power just to save me.